HOW TO GET FULL CUSTODY IN ONTARIO: STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS, WHAT COURTS LOOK FOR, AND WHETHER MEDIATION CAN HELP

If you are facing a separation or divorce in Ontario and have concerns about your child’s safety, stability, or wellbeing, you may be wondering whether you can — or should — pursue full custody. The process is often misunderstood, emotionally overwhelming, and legally complex. This comprehensive guide will walk you through exactly what full custody means under Ontario law, the step-by-step process for pursuing it, what family court judges actually look for when making their decision, and whether family mediation might offer a better path for you and your children.
Whether you are just beginning to explore your options or already navigating the family court system, this guide is designed to give you the honest, practical information you need to make informed decisions — and to understand where Separation Pathways can help.

What This Guide Covers

• • What ‘full custody’ actually means in Ontario today
  • The legal grounds courts use to grant sole decision-making
  • A step-by-step overview of the full custody process
  • What family court judges look for — and how decisions are made
  • How long the process takes and what it costs
  • Whether mediation can help — even in high-conflict situations
  • Frequently asked questions about custody in Ontario
  • How Separation Pathways can support you

Section 1: What Does ‘Full Custody’ Actually Mean in Ontario?

Many parents use the phrase ‘full custody’ without realizing that Ontario family law has moved away from this terminology entirely. Understanding the correct legal framework is the essential first step.
The Old Language vs. The New Language
Before 2021, Ontario family law used the terms ‘custody’ and ‘access.’ These terms have now been replaced under the updated Divorce Act (federal) and Ontario’s Children’s Law Reform Act (CLRA). The new language is:
• Decision-making responsibility: Who has the authority to make major decisions about the child’s education, healthcare, religion, and extracurricular activities.
• Parenting time: When each parent physically has the child in their care.

When people say they want ‘full custody,‘ they typically mean two things: sole decision-making responsibility (one parent makes all major decisions) and primary residence (the child lives primarily with one parent). These are two separate legal concepts, and courts can grant them independently. A parent can have sole decision-making but the child may still spend significant parenting time with the other parent.
Key Insight: Courts do not automatically award sole decision-making to one parent. Joint decision-making — where both parents share responsibility for major decisions — is often the starting assumption, unless there is compelling evidence that this arrangement would harm the child.

Sole Decision-Making vs. Joint Decision-Making

Under joint decision-making, both parents must consult and agree on major decisions affecting the child. This requires a baseline of communication and cooperation. Under sole decision-making (what most people call ‘full custody’), one parent has the exclusive legal authority to make these decisions without needing the other parent’s consent.
It is important to note that sole decision-making does not necessarily eliminate the other parent’s parenting time. Even if one parent has sole decision-making, the other parent may still see the child regularly unless there is a specific reason — such as a safety concern — to restrict contact.
Primary Residence: Where the Child Lives
Separate from decision-making is the question of where the child primarily lives. In many cases where one parent has sole decision-making, the child also lives primarily with that parent. However, courts will consider parenting time arrangements based on what schedule best serves the child’s needs — and in some cases, the child may split time more evenly between homes even when one parent holds primary decision-making authority.

Section 2: Legal Grounds for Sole Decision-Making in Ontario

Courts in Ontario do not grant sole decision-making lightly. The bar is intentionally high because research consistently shows that children generally benefit from having meaningful relationships with both parents. To obtain sole decision-making, you will need to demonstrate clear and compelling evidence that joint arrangements would not serve your child’s best interests.
The Legal Standard: Best Interests of the Child
Every custody and parenting decision in Ontario — whether made by a court or through mediation — must be guided by one overriding principle: the best interests of the child. This standard is defined in both the federal Divorce Act and Ontario’s Children’s Law Reform Act, and it encompasses a broad range of factors.
Under the Divorce Act, the factors courts consider include:

• • The child’s physical, emotional, and psychological needs
  • The child’s relationships with each parent and other significant people in their life
  • Each parent’s ability to support the child’s relationship with the other parent
  • The history of care — who has been the primary caregiver
  • The child’s cultural, linguistic, religious, and spiritual upbringing
  • Any history of family violence or coercive control
  • The child’s own views and preferences, given appropriate weight based on age and maturity
  • The ability of each parent to communicate and cooperate on parenting matters

Important: Courts are expressly prohibited from considering the conduct of a parent that is not relevant to their ability to act as a parent. A spouse’s infidelity, for example, is not relevant — unless it somehow directly affected the children.

Circumstances That Support a Sole Decision-Making Order

Based on Ontario case law and the legislative framework, courts are more likely to award sole decision-making in the following circumstances:
1. Substantiated History of Family Violence or Abuse
This is one of the most significant factors in any custody determination. Under the 2021 amendments to the Divorce Act, family violence is now explicitly listed as a primary consideration. Evidence of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or coercive control — whether directed at the child or at the other parent in the child’s presence — weighs heavily against shared parenting arrangements.
The court will examine: the nature, seriousness, and frequency of the violence; whether it has stopped; whether the child was directly harmed or witnessed violence; and whether the person responsible has taken accountability or completed programming. Police reports, medical records, child welfare records, and sworn affidavits are all types of evidence courts consider.
2. Serious Concerns About a Parent’s Capacity
Where one parent is unable to provide safe, consistent, and nurturing care due to untreated substance abuse, severe and unmanaged mental health challenges, chronic instability in housing, or repeated neglect, a court may determine that shared decision-making is not workable. This is not about penalizing a parent for struggling — it is about ensuring the child has stability and safety.
Evidence in these cases might include medical or psychiatric records, child welfare records, drug or alcohol assessments, and testimony from professionals who have observed the parent-child relationship.
3. Complete Breakdown in Parental Communication
Joint decision-making requires a functional level of communication. Where parents are so deeply in conflict that they cannot exchange basic information about the child’s health, education, or wellbeing without escalating into disputes, a court may conclude that joint decision-making is actively harmful to the child — who inevitably becomes caught in the middle.
Courts will look at whether attempts have been made to resolve the communication breakdown through mediation, therapy, or parenting coordination. If one parent has genuinely tried to co-parent and the other has consistently obstructed, this distinction matters.
4. A Strong History as the Primary Caregiver
If one parent has been the primary caregiver throughout the child’s life — managing medical appointments, school, daily routines, and activities — courts often look favourably on continuing that arrangement to preserve the child’s sense of stability and continuity. This is not automatic, but it is a meaningful factor, especially for younger children.
5. The Child’s Own Expressed Wishes
For children who are old enough and mature enough to express a view, Ontario courts will take those wishes into account — though they are not determinative on their own. A judge will consider not only what the child wants but why they want it, and whether those wishes reflect their genuine, uninfluenced perspective.
The court typically learns about a child’s views through a Voice of the Child report prepared by a trained clinician, or through an Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL) assessment. Children are not usually required to testify in open court.

Section 3: Step-by-Step — How to Pursue Sole Decision-Making in Ontario

Whether you ultimately go through the courts or reach a mediated agreement, the process follows a general sequence. Here is a realistic, step-by-step overview of what to expect.
Step 1: Understand Your Goal and Gather Documentation
Before taking any legal steps, it is essential to be clear about what you are seeking and why. Ask yourself: Is the concern about day-to-day parenting time, or about major decision-making? Is there a genuine safety issue, or is this primarily a conflict about parenting styles or life choices?
Begin documenting everything relevant: dates and details of concerning incidents, communications with the other parent (text messages, emails), school or medical records that reflect the child’s situation, and any reports from teachers, doctors, or other professionals who interact with your child. Do not alter or delete any communications.
Practical Tip: Keep a simple written log — a dated journal — of concerning incidents as they occur. Courts give more weight to contemporaneous records than to memories reconstructed after the fact.

Step 2: Consult a Family Lawyer
Before filing anything with the court, speak with a family lawyer who practices in Ontario. A lawyer can help you assess whether your situation genuinely meets the legal threshold for sole decision-making, understand the strength of your evidence, explore whether there are alternatives to litigation, and understand the realistic timeline and costs.
Many family lawyers offer initial consultations for a flat fee. If cost is a concern, Legal Aid Ontario may be available depending on your income, and some community legal clinics offer free advice. A mediator at Separation Pathways can also help you understand your options before you commit to a litigation path.
Step 3: Attempt Dispute Resolution First
Ontario family courts now require parties to certify that they have considered dispute resolution processes — including mediation — before filing an application. This is not just a formality. Courts take it seriously, and judges are increasingly critical of parties who have made no genuine effort to resolve matters outside of court.
Mediation is not appropriate in all cases — particularly where there is a significant power imbalance, active family violence, or one party is unwilling to participate in good faith. However, in many cases that initially appear highly conflicted, a skilled mediator can help parents find common ground on parenting arrangements, even if they cannot agree on everything. We will explore this in detail in Section 5.
Step 4: File an Application in the Ontario Court of Justice or Superior Court of Justice
If mediation is not appropriate or does not resolve the issues, the next step is to file a formal court application. In Ontario, family law applications can be filed in either the Ontario Court of Justice (which handles parenting but not divorce) or the Superior Court of Justice (which handles both parenting and divorce). Which court is appropriate depends on your specific circumstances.

To commence an application, you will file:
• Form 8: Application (General) — the main application document outlining what you are asking for
• Form 35.1: Affidavit in Support of Claim for Custody or Access — a sworn statement providing detailed information about you, the other parent, and the children
• Supporting affidavits and evidence
Once filed, the other party will be served and will have an opportunity to file a response.

Step 5: Attend a First Appearance / Case Conference

After the application is filed, the parties will typically attend a First Appearance (in the Ontario Court of Justice) or a Case Conference before a judge. This is not a trial — no final decisions are made at this stage. It is an opportunity for a judge to understand the issues, encourage settlement, make temporary orders if needed, and set a schedule for next steps.
Temporary orders may include interim parenting arrangements, child support, and requirements for assessments. These are not final, but they do matter — and judges often pay attention to how interim arrangements have worked when making final orders.

Step 6: Participate in Assessments (If Ordered)

In contested custody cases, a judge may order a custody and access assessment (now called a parenting assessment) conducted by a qualified social worker, psychologist, or other professional. The assessor will typically interview both parents, observe parent-child interactions, speak with the children (depending on their age), and review relevant records. This process can take several months.
The assessment report is provided to the court and carries significant weight. It is not binding on the judge, but it is unusual for a judge to disregard a thorough professional assessment without good reason.

Step 7: Attend a Settlement Conference

Before a matter proceeds to trial, the court will typically require a Settlement Conference — a meeting before a judge where the parties try to resolve outstanding issues. The judge at a Settlement Conference can offer a frank assessment of the strengths and weaknesses of each party’s case, which sometimes helps move parties toward resolution.
Many contested cases settle at or before this stage. Cases that proceed to trial represent a small minority of family law matters — but they are the most expensive and emotionally demanding.

Step 8: Trial (If No Settlement Is Reached)

If the matter cannot be resolved through settlement, it will proceed to trial. At trial, each party presents evidence, calls witnesses, and is cross-examined. The judge then makes a final order. Family court trials in Ontario can take anywhere from one day to several weeks depending on complexity, and scheduling can add months or years to the timeline.
Reality Check: A fully contested custody trial can cost each party between $30,000 and $100,000 or more in legal fees — and can take two to four years to conclude. For many families, mediation or a negotiated settlement is a far better outcome in terms of cost, time, and emotional impact on children.

Section 4: What Family Court Judges Actually Look For

Understanding how judges think and what they prioritize can help you prepare effectively — whether you are heading to court or negotiating a settlement.
Evidence Over Allegation
One of the most common mistakes parents make in contested custody cases is assuming that making allegations is sufficient. Courts require evidence. Allegations of substance abuse, mental health issues, alienation, or neglect must be supported by documentation, professional assessments, or other credible evidence. Unsupported allegations can actually damage your credibility with the court.
The most persuasive evidence in custody matters includes:

• • Police reports, court orders, or child welfare records related to safety concerns
  • Medical or psychiatric assessments from qualified professionals
  • School records showing a pattern of involvement or disengagement by each parent
  • Text messages, emails, or voicemails evidencing communication patterns or threatening behaviour
  • Voice of the Child reports or OCL assessments
  • Sworn affidavits from teachers, coaches, relatives, or others who have observed the parenting

Credibility and Conduct
Judges assess credibility carefully. Parents who present as reasonable, child-focused, and willing to support the child’s relationship with the other parent generally fare better than those who appear bitter, retaliatory, or controlling. A parent who acknowledges the other parent’s positive qualities — even while raising genuine concerns — is generally seen as more credible.
Conversely, behaviour that courts view negatively includes: making unfounded allegations, coaching children, alienating the child from the other parent, refusing to facilitate parenting time without legitimate reason, and using children to gather information or deliver messages.
The Meaningful Relationship Principle
Ontario courts start from the premise that children generally benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents. A judge will be reluctant to sever or severely restrict a child’s relationship with a parent unless there is strong evidence that contact poses a risk to the child’s safety or wellbeing.
This means that even where there are genuine concerns about one parent, a court may award that parent supervised parenting time rather than no contact. Supervised access through a community access centre or a trusted third party is a common interim arrangement.
Consistency and Stability
Courts value stability in children’s lives. Frequent relocations, changes in school, disruptions to routine, and chronic conflict at transitions are all viewed negatively. A parent who can offer a stable, predictable home environment — with consistent routines, strong community ties, and proximity to the child’s school and social network — is generally viewed as a stronger candidate for primary residence.

Section 5: How Long Does It Take — and What Does It Cost?

Timeline
The timeline for resolving a custody dispute in Ontario varies enormously depending on whether the parties reach agreement and at what stage. Here is a realistic overview:
Resolution Path Typical Timeline Estimated Legal Cost (per party)
Mediation (consensual) 4–12 weeks $1,500–$5,000
Collaborative law 3–9 months $5,000–$20,000
Negotiated settlement (lawyers) 3–12 months $5,000–$25,000
Court (settled before trial) 6–24 months $10,000–$40,000
Full trial 2–4+ years $30,000–$100,000+

These figures are estimates. Complex cases with multiple issues — property, support, and contested parenting — will take longer and cost more. Emergency situations involving safety concerns may qualify for expedited court processes.
Emergency Orders: When Immediate Action Is Needed
If a child is in immediate danger — for example, if one parent has taken the child without consent, or there is an active risk of harm — Ontario courts can issue emergency orders on an urgent, ex parte basis (without the other parent present). These are called urgent motions or, in extreme cases, applications under the Hague Convention if there is a risk of international abduction.
Emergency orders are not granted lightly and require strong evidence of immediate risk. If you believe your child is in danger, contact a family lawyer immediately.

Section 6: Can Mediation Help — Even in High-Conflict Situations?

Many parents assume that mediation is only for amicable separations — that if there is real conflict, or if one parent has concerns about the other’s behaviour, mediation is off the table. In reality, mediation is far more flexible and capable than most people realize.

What Family Mediation Actually Is

Family mediation is a structured, confidential process in which a trained, neutral third party — the mediator — helps separating parents communicate, identify their priorities, and reach workable agreements about parenting, property, and support. The mediator does not make decisions. The parents do.
At Separation Pathways, our mediators are experienced in Ontario family law, child development, and conflict resolution. We understand that the parents sitting across the table from each other are often in real pain — and that the decisions they make in mediation will shape their children’s lives for years to come.

When Mediation Is Appropriate

Mediation can be effective across a wide range of situations, including:

• • Parents who disagree about the parenting schedule but both want to be involved in their children’s lives
  • Situations where communication has broken down but both parents are willing to try
  • Cases where one parent has concerns about the other’s parenting — not involving safety — and wants to establish clear ground rules
  • Parents who want to avoid the financial and emotional cost of litigation
  • Situations where a court process has stalled or the parties want to supplement legal proceedings with a structured dialogue

When Mediation May Not Be Appropriate

Mediation is not appropriate — or requires special screening and adaptation — in cases involving:

• • Ongoing family violence or a significant power imbalance between the parties
  • One party who refuses to participate in good faith
  • Active child protection proceedings where the safety concern is unresolved
  • One party whose substance use or mental health challenges make them unable to engage meaningfully

At Separation Pathways, we conduct a careful intake and screening process with every couple before commencing mediation. If we determine that standard mediation is not appropriate, we can discuss alternative approaches or refer you to the right resources.
Note on Screening: Reputable mediators always screen for power imbalances and family violence before beginning mediation. If a mediator does not ask you about these factors, that is a red flag. At Separation Pathways, safety screening is a non-negotiable part of our intake process.

How Mediation Can Help With Parenting Agreements

In mediation, parents work together — with the mediator’s guidance — to create a Parenting Plan that addresses:

• • Where the child primarily lives (primary residence)
  • How parenting time is divided on a regular basis (weekly schedule)
  • Holiday, birthday, and special occasion schedules
  • How major decisions about education, healthcare, and extracurriculars will be made
  • Communication protocols between parents — how and when
  • How changes to the plan will be handled as the child grows and circumstances change
  • Travel and vacation protocols
  • How disputes about the plan will be resolved in the future

A mediated Parenting Plan, once signed and incorporated into a separation agreement, is legally enforceable. If one party later fails to follow the plan, the other can bring a motion before the court to enforce it.
The Cost Advantage of Mediation
The financial case for mediation is compelling. A complete mediated separation agreement — including parenting, property, and support — typically costs each party between $1,500 and $5,000 at Separation Pathways, depending on complexity and the number of sessions required. Compare that to the $30,000 to $100,000 a contested trial can cost per party, and the advantage is stark.
But the cost comparison is not only financial. Research consistently shows that children whose parents resolve custody disputes through mediation — rather than litigation — experience less emotional harm, are exposed to less ongoing conflict, and have better long-term outcomes. The process itself is less adversarial, which means parents are more likely to maintain a workable co-parenting relationship after the agreement is reached.

What Separation Pathways Offers

At Separation Pathways, we offer a range of services for Ontario families navigating separation and custody issues:
• Family Mediation: Structured mediation sessions with an accredited family mediator to help you reach agreements on parenting, property, and support.
• Separation Planning Consultations: An initial meeting to help you understand your legal rights, explore your options, and decide on next steps — before committing to any process.
• Parenting Plans: Detailed, customized parenting plans that reflect your children’s needs and your family’s unique circumstances.
• Separation Agreements: Comprehensive, legally binding agreements covering all aspects of separation, drafted or reviewed by qualified professionals.
All of our services are available to Ontario residents. Sessions can be conducted in person or virtually, making our services accessible regardless of where in Ontario you live.

Section 7: Frequently Asked Questions

Can I get full custody if the other parent has a criminal record?
A criminal record is relevant to a custody determination only to the extent that it reflects on the parent’s ability to care for the child. An old conviction for a property offence may be irrelevant; a history of violence, drug offences, or child-related offences would be highly relevant. The court will look at the nature of the offence, when it occurred, and whether the behaviour has changed.

What if the other parent is refusing to let me see my child?

Until a court order or signed agreement is in place, both parents have equal rights to their child in Ontario. If the other parent is withholding the child without a legitimate safety reason, you have several options: seek a mediated parenting agreement as quickly as possible; write to the other parent by email or text to document your requests; consult a lawyer about filing for an urgent parenting order; or, in extreme cases involving a child being hidden, contact police.
Do not take matters into your own hands by removing the child without consent — this can constitute wrongful removal and can seriously harm your position in any subsequent court proceedings.

How does the court decide where the child lives?

The court will consider all of the factors relating to the child’s best interests, with particular attention to: the existing pattern of care (who has been the primary caregiver); the child’s attachment to each parent; the stability of each home environment; the quality of each parent’s relationship with the child; proximity to school, friends, and extended family; and, for older children, the child’s own preferences.

Can my child decide which parent they want to live with?

In Ontario, children do not have the legal right to ‘choose’ where they live — that decision rests with the parents or the court. However, the views and preferences of older, more mature children are taken seriously. The weight given to a child’s wishes increases with age and maturity, and a clear, consistent preference expressed through a Voice of the Child report can significantly influence the outcome. Judges are also attentive to whether a child’s stated preference appears to have been influenced or coached by a parent.
Is it possible to change a custody order after it is made?
Yes. Parenting orders in Ontario are not permanent — they can be varied if there has been a material change in circumstances since the order was made. Examples of material changes include a significant change in the child’s needs, a parent relocating, a change in a parent’s work schedule, new safety concerns arising, or a significant change in the child’s wishes as they grow older.
To vary an order, you can either reach a new agreement with the other parent (and have it incorporated into a consent order) or bring a motion to vary before the court. Mediation is an excellent way to address changing circumstances without returning to court.

What is a Voice of the Child report?

A Voice of the Child report is a document prepared by a trained clinician — typically a social worker or psychologist — who meets with the child to understand their experiences, views, and preferences. The clinician does not advise the child, direct them, or advocate for a particular outcome. The report is shared with both parents and, if proceedings are underway, with the court.
These reports are particularly valuable in cases where the child’s wishes are unclear, where there are allegations of parental alienation, or where the court needs an independent professional perspective on the child’s perspective.

Do I need a lawyer to pursue custody in Ontario?

You are not legally required to have a lawyer — you can represent yourself in family court (known as being a ‘self-represented litigant’). However, family law is complex, and the procedural rules of Ontario courts are detailed and unforgiving of errors. Most people who go through custody litigation without legal representation find the process extremely challenging.
That said, you do not necessarily need a lawyer for every aspect of your case. Many families use a combination of approaches: consulting a lawyer for advice and document review, using a mediator to reach substantive agreements, and having a lawyer draft or review the final agreement. This hybrid approach often offers a good balance of legal protection and cost efficiency.

How do I find a qualified family mediator in Ontario?

In Ontario, family mediators are not licensed in the way lawyers are, but reputable mediators hold accreditation from recognized bodies. Look for mediators who hold an Accredited Family Mediator (AFM) designation from Family Mediation Canada, or who are certified through a recognized professional body. They should also have specific training and experience in family law and child development.

At Separation Pathways, all of our mediators hold relevant professional credentials and have extensive experience in Ontario family matters. We serve families across all of Ontario, with virtual sessions available for those outside major urban centres.

Section 8: Summary — Your Key Takeaways

Navigating custody in Ontario is challenging, but understanding the legal framework puts you in a much stronger position. Here are the most important points to remember:

• 1. ‘Full custody’ is now called sole decision-making responsibility under Ontario law. It gives one parent exclusive authority over major decisions about the child’s life.
  2. Courts grant sole decision-making only where the evidence clearly shows that joint arrangements would not serve the child’s best interests. The standard is always the best interests of the child.
  3. The most significant factors supporting a sole decision-making order include family violence, a parent’s inability to provide safe care, complete communication breakdown, and a strong history as the primary caregiver.
  4. The court process can take years and cost tens of thousands of dollars. Most families are better served by reaching an agreement outside of court.
  5. Family mediation is a faster, less expensive, and less adversarial alternative that works for a wide range of situations — including many that initially seem highly conflicted.
  6. Children benefit when their parents resolve custody matters through cooperation rather than litigation. The process you choose shapes the co-parenting relationship you will have for years to come.
  7. If you are facing custody issues, start by understanding your options. A separation planning consultation with Separation Pathways can help you chart the best course forward for your family.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

At Separation Pathways, we help Ontario families navigate separation with compassion, clarity, and expertise. Whether you are just beginning to explore your options or are already deep in the process, we are here to help you find a better path forward.
Our Separation Planning Meeting ($399) gives you a confidential one-on-one session with an experienced family mediator who will help you understand your legal rights, assess your situation, and develop a realistic plan — without the pressure or cost of immediate litigation.
Book a Consultation Today!
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Legal Disclaimer
This article is provided for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Family law is complex and fact-specific. If you have a specific legal matter, you should consult with a qualified family lawyer licensed to practise in Ontario. Separation Pathways provides mediation and dispute resolution services; our mediators are not your legal representatives.