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Revolutionizing Divorce: Effective Communication with Children and Separation Pathways
Dr. Barbara Landau, a distinguished lawyer, psychologist, and mediator whose pioneering work has significantly influenced the handling of separations in Canada, recently shared insights on effectively communicating with children about divorce.
Exploring Separation Pathways
The well-being of children was the driving force behind the creation of Separation Pathways. “Up to 85% of people go to court unrepresented because they can’t afford professional help,” remarked Dr. Landau. This led to the establishment of Separation Pathways as a not-for-profit organization dedicated to resolving disputes around separation, with a focus on reducing conflict for the sake of children.
“We start off with a free intake call and consultation for each person, followed by a separation planning meeting,” Landau explained. “Most people choose mediation, a process that fosters reasonable conversations to reach agreements, followed by independent legal advice to ensure everything is done properly.”
The professionals involved in Separation Pathways work at reduced rates, committed to facilitating respectful resolutions. This approach allows people to maintain healthy co-parenting relationships even after separation, providing a more efficient and less contentious alternative to court battles.
Addressing the Impact on Children during Divorce
Candace Sampson, sharing her personal experience, emphasized the tumultuous impact divorce can have on children. “Divorce can be a depultuous experience for children,” she reflected. The effects vary depending on the child’s age and personality, but younger children, in particular, may struggle with sleep disturbances, academic challenges, and social withdrawal.
Barbara Landau shared a poignant example of a child experiencing the upheaval of divorce, highlighting the importance of transitioning from court battles to mediation for the sake of children’s well-being.
“Many children decide not to marry or have children themselves to avoid repeating the experience,” Dr. Landau noted.
Here are some tips and insights on effectively communicating with children about divorce from the provided text:
Recognize the Importance of Parents: Understand that for children, parents are the center of their universe, especially until they become teenagers.
Avoid Conflict: Minimize conflicts and angry conversations between parents, as they can deeply affect children’s emotional well-being and daily life.
Listen to Children’s Perspectives: Encourage open communication with children about their feelings and concerns regarding the divorce process.
Provide Reassurance: Offer reassurance and support to children, emphasizing that both parents will continue to love and care for them despite the changes.
Maintain Stability: Strive to maintain stability in children’s lives by addressing practical concerns such as living arrangements, school routines, and social activities.
Avoid Criticizing the Other Parent: Refrain from criticizing or demeaning the other parent in front of the children, as it can damage their self-esteem and relationship with both parents.
Consider Children’s Needs: Take into account children’s needs and preferences when making decisions about custody, visitation, and family arrangements.
Include Extended Family: Encourage involvement from extended family members, such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles, to provide additional support and stability for children.
Prioritize Co-Parenting: Focus on cooperative co-parenting with the goal of creating a positive and nurturing environment for children, even after the divorce.
Seek Professional Support: Consider seeking guidance from family therapists, mediators, or counselors to navigate the emotional challenges of divorce and support children through the process.
Guiding Parents Through the Divorce Process
Dr. Landau stressed the importance of parents adopting a problem-solving approach. “They’re now the Parenting Board of Directors,” she stated. “Rather than expressing anger and hostility, they need to focus on problem-solving.”
She encouraged parents to consider the long-term impact of their actions on their children’s self-esteem and well-being. “When you criticize the other parent, you’re criticizing part of that child,” Dr. Landau cautioned. “Think about a plan that makes sense from their children’s perspective,” she advised, highlighting the importance of accommodating each other’s needs and considering extended family relationships.
“At Separation Pathways, we reward individuals who bring their best effort to the process,” Dr. Landau explained. “By offering fixed-price packages and a supportive environment, we help parents reach reasonable agreements that prioritize their children’s well-being.”
In conclusion, the insights shared by Dr. Barbara Landau underscore the invaluable role of family mediation in navigating divorce with children. By prioritizing respectful communication, collaborative decision-making, and professional guidance, parents can minimize conflict and prioritize their children’s emotional well-being during this challenging transition. As Candace aptly summarized, “It sounds like a much better process than going through the courts, which is highly contentious.”